|
[22 Dec 2005|09:22am] |
I can't stand Chuck Norris. But in a funny way. Anyways, if you haven't read this, its too funny to pass up:
30 facts about Chuck Norris
1-Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
2-When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.
3-Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
4- Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
5- Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.
6- Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
7- Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.
8- Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
9- Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
10- Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
11- Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't fuck with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.
12- Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
13- There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
14- If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
15- Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
16- Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
17- To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and acquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
18- There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.
19- Chuck Norris has recently changed his middle name to "Fucking."
20- The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
21- Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.
22- Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
23- Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high school football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Chuck roundhouse kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then proceeded to bang every girl in the stadium.
24- When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
25- The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise, " and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.
26- Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
27- When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
28- Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".
29- Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
30- If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
|
|
|
[19 Dec 2005|09:19am] |
There is a song on the underworld soundtrack and its called "Rocket Collecting". It's sung by someone called Milla. Now I did a google search but I am not getting a last name? I find results for Milla Jovovich, is she the one singing?
edit: Okay, yeah she is. Wow. I like her. Hrm .. she was a band called Plastic Has Memory. Have anyone ever listened to them? I loved that song she sang on the underworld soundtrack. I want to pick up a cd with her on it, but if its not close to what I have already heard, Im not sure I want to get it.
Anyone know?
|
|
|
[12 Dec 2005|11:22am] |
I did this last year on the 20th of december. However, I like it so, so much .. I want to do it again.
Please comment with a most recent picture of yourself?
|
|
|
[29 Jul 2005|01:38pm] |
Please write a paragraph using the following words:
Green Thumb
Cake
Gliding
Lust
Afternoon
|
|
|
[08 Jul 2005|02:51pm] |
Oh, baby, baby, it's a wild world
It's hard to get by just upon a smile
Oh, baby, baby, it's a wild world
I'll always remember you like a child, girl
-Cat Stevens
|
|
|
[30 Jun 2005|03:08pm] |
|
i fucking love knitting!
|
|
|
[27 Jun 2005|04:33pm] |
|
I hate feeling like an old piece of soap ......
|
|
|
[23 Jun 2005|11:25am] |
|
grr .. stress
|
|
|
[20 May 2005|09:02am] |
|
I love Brini Maxwell. She is so awesome!!
|
|
| Friday and being bored. |
[29 Apr 2005|09:27am] |
Who are you?
Are we friends?
If we’ve met, when and how did we meet?
What social event or place would you like to go to with me?
Would you kiss me?
Describe me in one word.
What was your first impression?
Do you still think that way about me now?
What reminds you of me?
If you could give me anything what would it be?
How well do you know me?
When’s the last time you saw me?
Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn’t?
Are you going to put this on your blog and see what I say about you?
|
|
|
[25 Apr 2005|12:33pm] |
|
ImagiKnit
|
|
|
[24 Apr 2005|10:22am] |
|
|
|
[20 Apr 2005|08:58am] |
|
Um .. hi! [waves]
|
|
|
[12 Apr 2005|11:19am] |
It is about self discovery, human interactions/emotions, watching CSI and knitting
...
fuck (!)
|
|
|
[06 Apr 2005|08:23am] |
|
Someone else posted in her journal asking for request of pictures to take from the lj friends. I love this idea and have done it in the past ... and I would like to do it again. So please suggest whatever you would like and I will do my best?
|
|
| name that quote! |
[25 Mar 2005|10:59am] |
|
"machine washable, darling, thats a new feature."
|
|
| aw, hells yeah |
[23 Mar 2005|04:19pm] |
meme from the drama generator:
1. I am so infuriated! someone at work found out I was into trekkie stuff and I think that's why I got fired :-(.
Oh yeah. I was supposed to get together with ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) sebatical Saturday but I don't want to anymore. I'm so tired of seeing the same people.
Hey and know what? muomuo went around saying how I got caught dissing on meluhhknee. Don't let me hear about that again or I'm gonna kick some heads!
This entry automatically generated by the LJ Drama Generator!
2. I am so annoyed!
This entry automatically generated by the LJ Drama Generator!
and my all time fucking favorite ( one! )
|
|
|
[22 Mar 2005|11:25am] |
|
I totally wish I had a mechincal arm. That would be sooo cool!
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
